Well, I was warned. I tried to do my research. And I asked multiple people. But I think, ultimately, I'm just the sort of person who needs to make mistakes and learn from them. I don't know what I want until I find what I don't want and adjust for there. So, when it comes to getting my hair cut, the main problem is not the actual cut-fail (or rather communication fail); it's the waiting until it can be fixed and looking like an emoboi while doing it.
In the spirit of learning, then, let's recount my fail.
First fail: I did not bring a picture. I started to, but I was 1) afraid of bringing in a picture of a woman because, well, I'm afraid of transphobia and 2) I thought I'd be able to describe what I wanted without the picture.
Second fail: Not describing what I wanted. I am terrible with descriptions. Just terrible. I can't imagine physical alternations, I can't conceive of slight changes, I have no idea what I'll like. So when I go in and tell the stylist "sideswept bangs," she makes some suggestions and she may as well be speaking Greek to me. I tell her "androgynous if not feminine." She's the expert, I have no idea how to conceptualize what I want, I defer to her judgment. So she gives me sideswept bangs... and takes absolutely everything else. She thinks I want gay. Le. Sigh.
Third fail: Thinking people have communication skills like I do. When I see a nervous person, I don't think "Oh, they're just nervous; they need positive encouragement." I think "Oh, they're confused; they need a series of questioning and details about the options available to them, and the more dialogue to investigate." When someone's really positive, I fall for it because I'm insecure. So she was really positive, I assume it'll work out. What I needed was for her to detail my options and walk me through everything. Ask me specific questions. Instead, I got her trying something on me since I didn't really know and couldn't describe. I don't blame her, certainly. But it's an important lesson to remember.
Fourth fail: Overconfidence. I have improved in terms of confidence, but I am still easily terrified. I got stage fright, panicked, and have to pay for panicking.
What's the cost of these fails? $40 and seven months hair growth. I get to look like an emo gay boi for a couple of weeks/ months. And it'll be largely shameful to tell everyone why the hell I look like this after growing my hair out and loving it long. But I've endured worse, I suppose. It beats the hell out of high school...
Laser Hair Removal Therapy (Henceforce: LHRT) went a lot better, though. The "aesthetician" (lovely title) didn't ever ask me why I wanted it, like I was afraid she would. She didn't even question me to make sure I wanted something so permanent. She just told me the mechanics, set up a regiment (6 sessions spaced 4-6weeks apart, "ear-to-ear," ~$715), and started zapping. It felt like a needle being jabbed into my face, which wouldn't be so bad if it was one or two times. But this was more or less unabated for 15 minutes. It was good, yes. Each prick felt like I was sticking it to my follicles, my masculinity, my pisspoor shaving skillz. But it was intense, too. Apparently, laser is the easy way; it used to cost thousands of dollars and possibly a few years to get things done with electrolysis. I guess that's one benefit for waiting so long to transition, heh.
So good, bad, and lessons learned. I only hope I can do better next time.
In the spirit of learning, then, let's recount my fail.
First fail: I did not bring a picture. I started to, but I was 1) afraid of bringing in a picture of a woman because, well, I'm afraid of transphobia and 2) I thought I'd be able to describe what I wanted without the picture.
Second fail: Not describing what I wanted. I am terrible with descriptions. Just terrible. I can't imagine physical alternations, I can't conceive of slight changes, I have no idea what I'll like. So when I go in and tell the stylist "sideswept bangs," she makes some suggestions and she may as well be speaking Greek to me. I tell her "androgynous if not feminine." She's the expert, I have no idea how to conceptualize what I want, I defer to her judgment. So she gives me sideswept bangs... and takes absolutely everything else. She thinks I want gay. Le. Sigh.
Third fail: Thinking people have communication skills like I do. When I see a nervous person, I don't think "Oh, they're just nervous; they need positive encouragement." I think "Oh, they're confused; they need a series of questioning and details about the options available to them, and the more dialogue to investigate." When someone's really positive, I fall for it because I'm insecure. So she was really positive, I assume it'll work out. What I needed was for her to detail my options and walk me through everything. Ask me specific questions. Instead, I got her trying something on me since I didn't really know and couldn't describe. I don't blame her, certainly. But it's an important lesson to remember.
Fourth fail: Overconfidence. I have improved in terms of confidence, but I am still easily terrified. I got stage fright, panicked, and have to pay for panicking.
What's the cost of these fails? $40 and seven months hair growth. I get to look like an emo gay boi for a couple of weeks/ months. And it'll be largely shameful to tell everyone why the hell I look like this after growing my hair out and loving it long. But I've endured worse, I suppose. It beats the hell out of high school...
Laser Hair Removal Therapy (Henceforce: LHRT) went a lot better, though. The "aesthetician" (lovely title) didn't ever ask me why I wanted it, like I was afraid she would. She didn't even question me to make sure I wanted something so permanent. She just told me the mechanics, set up a regiment (6 sessions spaced 4-6weeks apart, "ear-to-ear," ~$715), and started zapping. It felt like a needle being jabbed into my face, which wouldn't be so bad if it was one or two times. But this was more or less unabated for 15 minutes. It was good, yes. Each prick felt like I was sticking it to my follicles, my masculinity, my pisspoor shaving skillz. But it was intense, too. Apparently, laser is the easy way; it used to cost thousands of dollars and possibly a few years to get things done with electrolysis. I guess that's one benefit for waiting so long to transition, heh.
So good, bad, and lessons learned. I only hope I can do better next time.
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