"When people stop being people, violence stops being tragic and starts to become the best means to any end."
That's it. That's the problem. That's my problem. For the duration of my life, I have not considered myself human.
It's why I can't talk about my needs.
It's why I live through others.
It's why I endure so much and never genuinely consider stopping because I can handle it, I can handle anything. I don't have weakness or need. My fallibility is entirely remediable and only exists because I am not good enough.
It's why I want people to use me, to hurt me, to disregard me.
It's why I don't judge myself by the same rules I judge others.
I am not people. And therefore violence done to my person is inconsequential, is acceptable, is necessary.
So it's pretty clear: I need to figure out how to accept myself as human, and all that entails. I guess I'd better get to work.
That's it. That's the problem. That's my problem. For the duration of my life, I have not considered myself human.
It's why I can't talk about my needs.
It's why I live through others.
It's why I endure so much and never genuinely consider stopping because I can handle it, I can handle anything. I don't have weakness or need. My fallibility is entirely remediable and only exists because I am not good enough.
It's why I want people to use me, to hurt me, to disregard me.
It's why I don't judge myself by the same rules I judge others.
I am not people. And therefore violence done to my person is inconsequential, is acceptable, is necessary.
So it's pretty clear: I need to figure out how to accept myself as human, and all that entails. I guess I'd better get to work.
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