Governor's School, my favorite time of the year, is starting. I'm moved in, and the students show up Sunday. It means I'm largely dead to the outside world for ~five weeks (except for rare daytime hours), but it's such fun to work with smart students who'll play games with me. Of course, the games are just a pretext for social engagement, which I just... like. I'll try to savor it.
***
Speaking of sociability, I'm becoming a bit of a bitch. I'm opening up more, but it's almost flamboyant, and I'm not sure what to think of that. It's kind of fun, to be extroverted. But I'm not... sensitive and nice like I should be. It's kind of like I need to be more controlled to be a better person. It's worth exploring, certainly.
***
Finally, my counselor had some friends moving who were getting rid of a lot of clothes, and she kindly sent them to me in lieu of Goodwill. It's nice to have things to play with. And, really, I rather like a lot of the fits and textures. If I was better shaved (I do a poor job with my face, much less the rest of my body), I think I'd be pretty cute. Except for the arms and hands (and probably feet). I've never noticed how truly large they were until tonight. Wearing this top and minimizing my body space coyly in the mirror, my hands are... huge. Boney, veiny, fundamentally large. Honestly, if that's my worst issue, I'm cool. My arms are still too hairy, but I'm holding out hope that the spiro (anti-testosterone drug) will largely address that. And even if not, it's not an amount that is necessarily impossible for ggs (genetic girls) to have. One of my students actually shaved her arm hair.
I feel fortunate to be growing boobs. But they're practically that. It's funny; so many men have larger "breasts" than I do just because they have more fat on their abdomens. I'm almost starting at a disadvantage because I can't fill in a lot of the clothing I have. I need a padded bra. Again, something fixable.
Like I said, I feel fortune those are my main concerns. I feel fortunate to live in a country that can get me relatively easy access to hormones, to live in a place that has many supportive people, to be able to go forth through my life in ways that will be less than ideal but better, still, than they would have been even a decade ago. I think of Iran, where homosexuality is illegal, so instead they prompt many people to get SRS [sexual reassignment surgery] in order to make these men's desires more natural (transmen, of course, don't exist). I think of Uganda wanting to ban homosexuality. I think of so many places and times that were harder. And yes, I'll have difficulties. But I'm fortunate. In so many ways other than this, but even here, I'm fortunate. And I think it's important to remember that (while I'm in the mind too).
I hope you're taking care. I wish I could provide pictures, but that'll probably just have to wait until I'm better made up anyway...
***
Speaking of sociability, I'm becoming a bit of a bitch. I'm opening up more, but it's almost flamboyant, and I'm not sure what to think of that. It's kind of fun, to be extroverted. But I'm not... sensitive and nice like I should be. It's kind of like I need to be more controlled to be a better person. It's worth exploring, certainly.
***
Finally, my counselor had some friends moving who were getting rid of a lot of clothes, and she kindly sent them to me in lieu of Goodwill. It's nice to have things to play with. And, really, I rather like a lot of the fits and textures. If I was better shaved (I do a poor job with my face, much less the rest of my body), I think I'd be pretty cute. Except for the arms and hands (and probably feet). I've never noticed how truly large they were until tonight. Wearing this top and minimizing my body space coyly in the mirror, my hands are... huge. Boney, veiny, fundamentally large. Honestly, if that's my worst issue, I'm cool. My arms are still too hairy, but I'm holding out hope that the spiro (anti-testosterone drug) will largely address that. And even if not, it's not an amount that is necessarily impossible for ggs (genetic girls) to have. One of my students actually shaved her arm hair.
I feel fortunate to be growing boobs. But they're practically that. It's funny; so many men have larger "breasts" than I do just because they have more fat on their abdomens. I'm almost starting at a disadvantage because I can't fill in a lot of the clothing I have. I need a padded bra. Again, something fixable.
Like I said, I feel fortune those are my main concerns. I feel fortunate to live in a country that can get me relatively easy access to hormones, to live in a place that has many supportive people, to be able to go forth through my life in ways that will be less than ideal but better, still, than they would have been even a decade ago. I think of Iran, where homosexuality is illegal, so instead they prompt many people to get SRS [sexual reassignment surgery] in order to make these men's desires more natural (transmen, of course, don't exist). I think of Uganda wanting to ban homosexuality. I think of so many places and times that were harder. And yes, I'll have difficulties. But I'm fortunate. In so many ways other than this, but even here, I'm fortunate. And I think it's important to remember that (while I'm in the mind too).
I hope you're taking care. I wish I could provide pictures, but that'll probably just have to wait until I'm better made up anyway...
Have fun at governor's school beeATCH!;) I missed you this morning... So happy that you are exploring what you like clothing wise, I will be very excited to see you. Good thoughts your way.. .